Depression 24/7/365
Tis the season for many as one of few jolly moments.
There is no enigmatic smile on our faces or in our hearts.
How we carry our condition along through the year may be similar to some but not to others.
Based on my life's journey with depression, all I write about here is based on that first-hand experience.
Everyone, I believe, goes through stages as they age and participate in different events, birth, jobs, adventures, moving education and such. Our personalities develop and sometimes, there are hiccups in that process.
Depression, for me, is what causes my being me hiccups. At present, the type of depression episode I've been coping with for over a year is not the same as in the past. I think of it as a depression meh episode.
I used to notice symptoms and deal with them as they arise. This time, while able to laugh, enjoy, have clarity, most of what I felt connected to has disconnected. It is there. I know about it. I remember it. It is all a pile of meh to me now. Weird.
The most significant part of my meh episode is that there is no constant wallowing in sadness, melancholy, dreads or paranoia.
At this stage, I feel, reading about depression that others experience is a good idea because it might help me understand better what is going on. Maybe being at the end stage of my life is impacting me stronger than I anticipated. I have been clearing out stuff lately. That release of the past might have freed up space in my mind to explore this part of my life journey.
Do you have books on depression to recommend?
Sometimes Joel Osteen provides spiritual books, and they are really uplifting. I'm sorry you have depression, but it sounds like it doesn't have a hold on you, which is important. Sometimes going to a craft fair, book store, or even walking downtown browsing through the shops is fun. People often focus on others being around loved ones this time of year, but I know friends who are married who feel so alone. The world is also "hyped up" which doesn't help any, right? But just know it is all hype, and if we concentrate on this precious baby born in a stable, a smile comes upon our face. And He surely loves you, as all your blog friends do. : )
ReplyDelete~Sheri
Wise words, Sheri, thank you
DeleteThe holiday being so much about shopping and collecting toys, there's no room it seems for just having a regular holiday season without emotional guilt or feeling left out.
I'm going to deflect any blues that appear by baking cookies.
I can only reference my own experience. I went into the 'meh' stage of depression where nothing affected me. I felt nothing...zilch. Life simply blended one day into another with nothing stirring me from that state. It was a long slow descent from initially being a Jekyll and Hyde type of personality where I was able to be 'normal' when out in the world but a screaming maniac when I was at home, into a person that felt absolutely nothing...for anybody or anything. I simply existed and was so much into it that I didn't realize there was anything wrong with me. My doctor at the time had me fill in the 'standard' questionaire and, because I felt nothing, I could answer the questions without giving anything away. Of course I wasn't having suicidal thoughts because I wasn't thinking anything at all. Of course I didn't cry all the time because I felt nothing. All this to say, my advice would be to seek professional help sooner rather than later and don't take no for an answer.
ReplyDeleteMaryanne,
DeleteThank you
As suggested, outdoor exercise is what I’m oushing myself to do. Getting an appointment us a major hassle where I go (use to go). If no appointment in a long time, then I have to go through intake and or go on a waiting list if I want to see the same therapist. It is so stupid, it boggles my mind.
From what I’ve been through elsewhere for medical appointments, intakes cost more. I refuse to incur a fee for telling someone what they already know. Not at a critical stage. a brisk walk will make me feel better for free.👍🙂
All the best, May
I'm sorry you have depression, it does affect many.
ReplyDeleteI like your reply to Sheri when you say, I'm going to deflect any blues that appear by baking cookies, sounds good.
Sending my good wishes.
All the best Jan
Jan,
DeleteDistracting activities with bonuses are as easy as doing laundry, whether I feel like it or not. Going through the motions is better than staring across the room.
All the best, May
I'm so sorry to read of your ongoing "meh" depression. I have no books to recommend. A bit of outdoor exercise each day, eating healthy foods, trying to let your mind dwell on lovely things - is all I can offer. And knowing that God walks through this world with you. It's not easy. Hugs.
ReplyDeleteLorrie,
DeleteThank you. Outdoor exercise is good. I’m pushing to get out there.
All the best, May
I am sorry to hear you are suffering my friend. I know we all feel down but not everyone understands depression. I think clearing things out helps for awhile and then it's best to step away and get some order. I also think it you can't walk, sitting in the sunshine helps too. Sending you lots of hugs, Diane
ReplyDeleteHugs Diane & a Happy December
DeleteSunshine has been good in November. My oven light is the go to light I'm keen on seeing. I hope to bake cookies this week.
Try to get your hands on "The Wild Remedy" by Emma Mitchell. She is an artist and one who loved nature and it is her journey through a year of depression. I'd send it to you but just gave it to our son who repeatedly goes down the black hole. It's lovely.
ReplyDeleteThank you, Jeanie,
DeleteI'm on the hunt for the title.