Watercolors & Downsizing Fabric

There is, somewhere in my memory's forgot it space, a blog post in the brain storming stage that these two photos are meant to illustrate. Instead, I'll tell the story of that painting.

The small watercolor sketch is of a place that doesn't have good memories. I was very ill at the time. Looking out the window for hours was a height of activity for me then. Slowly, as body chemicals adjust, I took up a brush. Months later, things did get better. 

Tearing up old artwork isn't done very often. This time, though, I threw away the pieces. It felt good. When I pass the area, I still feel an uncomfortable shadow over that episode in my life. 

Will I find another sad piece in my stuff? 

Not so far. 

This morning I went through two fabric bins with the intent on making them one. Downsizing to one bin is not possible at this time. I tried. 

The best part is the unfinished projects I found are far fewer than I expected. One is a sweater I took apart to makeover as a bright colorful yarn embellished tabbard. 

Next is going through costume jewelry. That will be fun.

Winter Chat

Tree, Leaves & Snow 2024

At the moment here in western Vermont at just after 7 PM EDT, it is snowing at a good clip. The ground has about two inches of snow cover. Earlier, it felt like rain that changed to snow. The weather forecast is rain after 10 PM EDT. A warm font is moving in to wash winter away.

In the morning, with a 40ºF temperature forecast, road conditions might not be all that good as there may be spots where it is colder and icy. 

Please Drive Safely

The winter landscapes today were beautiful. Tomorow I expect things will resemble early spring. Winter being winter. 

This morning my tea got cold too fast after I took a too early sip, and burned part of my lower lip. I tend to try tea faster than I do a hot cup of coffee. I don't know why that is. It was so freezing cold this morning, I think it settled in my mind to warm up.

The Arches watercolor paper order from Dick Blick.com arrived today. It awaits measuring and cutting. I buy full 22 inch by 30 inch sheets because I can cut them to the sizes I want. 

That all means the puttering pace will rev up tomorrow for the painting area to be organized. Right now there are clothes sorted and piled around. 

I am anxious to paint watercolors most of this winter to ease out cabin fever. In years past I've created projects specfically for the purpose of not falling too far into a winter depression. Projects work only when I put effort into them. 

How is your winter going?

 

Hello to the Last November Monday of 2023

Ice forming on Dead Creek
Addison, Vermont, 25 November 2023

No Ice on Windy Lake Champlain
At the Fort Frederic shoreline
Upstate New York 25 November 2023

Earth's Moon Over Vermont
Waxing Gibbous 94.29% 25 November 2023
Northern Hemisphere
Beaver Full Moon on 27th

Have a Lovely Week! 

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Scheduling a post means  there's no news on what's going on when you wake up, unless, of course, you can tell the future.

That said.

This morning my most unfavorite weather is sleet. Sleety slush (nice ID name) is covering everything. Thankfully, I have no errands to run today. 

I've been researching pan watercolors because they are so easy to use. Thus far, I'm staying with Winsor & Newton. Pans, maybe not. I have dry watercolor in tubes that are about the same thing. Adding up my palette of watercolor 5 ml tubes, there isn't much difference in the cost of pans versus tubes. I don't know how to figure out the volume of pigment difference. 

There was a time when I was mainly a watercolorist. I changed over years ago to acrylic because it suited the depression better.

Now that I'm lifting out of an episode of the horrid blues, I'm rethinking things in various areas of my life. 

Thankfully again, not blogging hasn't resurfaced. Art has because painting has been a real struggle.  Wardrobe is another area as I want to down size my volume of laundry. I didn't buy a beautiful sweater at a fantastic price on sale because it is chenille aka bulky lint city. There's no longer an entire wash of chenille pajamas and sweathers for me to do since I stopped buying, and tossed most of them. I also tossed old tee shirts into the rag bag. Cooking is on the list as well. When I was a stay at home married person, I daily fed my family. Sure, there were new recipes that created laughable surprises, but I cooked more good meals than bad. Frankly, that burnt pumpkin pie was rather attrative with a rustic vibe.

Today I'm filling a big soup mug with the different teas for a teast tasting. Most are repeats I forget the flavor of. The trick is to taste any of them because the 2022 covid booster took away about 90% of my sense of taste. The covid booster this year hasn't brought it back as I had hoped. However, I was able to taste tea the other day. 

I could rattle on as I hear what sounds like a plow truck. I think it is probably a sander. It is thickly slushy outside. I woke just after 4 AM EDT. Maybe a nap* is in order. 

*Nap was nice, but not long enough. ☺

Brushing By Progress

Depression is starting to lighten for me. First time I've picked up a brush in almost 2 weeks. 

Its only a watercolor study, no major details. 

I like the green pumpkin, but not in that setting for a painting.

The background is different than the photo I took.

The sunlight needs work, lots of work. I think I'll change the sunlight on the pumpkin so it doesn't look like it is cut open. 

Living With Anxiety

This is my version based on my experiences living with depression since, I believe, I was a very young child. Mother took me to doctors who couldn't figure out what was wrong with me. I was always tired, missed lots of school, just not quite a spry kid. I was called lazy. 

Anxiety. A very bad emotional and physical feeling that all at once everybody in the world hates me, and wishes me ill. 

Dreads. A very bad sense that something horrific is going to happen to me ranging from from mild to severe.

Panic attack. Sheer terror in its most concentrated sense.

Anxiety attack. At its worse, a feeling like I am dieing.

The difference between a panic attack and anxiety attack for me is that with an anxiety attack, I feel like I am dieing; and with a panic attack, I know I am dieing or might be dead, but nobody told me.

PTSD is the salad made from all of the above.

I manage my symptoms based on my decades of experience. Mostly, I avoid being too active in situations that involve a lot of people, too many appointments in a short time frame, and, being careful of what I eat. When I drive, I rarely use the radio and never wear cologne because they might trigger an anxiety surge. Days, sometimes weeks before an event or appointment, I begin to prepare by having a bland diet, relaxing, and going over in my mind the event. It is an adjustment struggle knowing folks aren't going to bite me, but I know they have teeth.

If things are going smoothly, then I have less physical discomfort. When PTSD flares up out of nowhere, then I back track to the source. From there, I can managed the symptoms. In the beginning, I had no idea why I would have episodes of screaming and/or crying. Nobody I knew, including a therapist I saw back then (1980s), knew what was going on. 

My life fell apart and landed in a worse place than the one I left. Decades later, I know more now than I did before is a great healing support.

There is a lot of good information out there about managing mental health issues. Read, research, and know your rights.

In the Days of Try To Do

There hasn't been much movement around here other than pushing depression out of the way. It has been a rough few weeks. Changing daily patterns builds an obstacle course for me to navigate. It works if the  path is adjusted well, much like playing a video game for the first time when the rules haven't sunk in yet. Anyway, I'm glad to say that I have more energy, feel much less pressed by feelings of dread, and overall, determination rules. 

I wrote  a blog post about anxiety and panic attacks. I deleted it because it feels too personal. At the time, it was a bridge to better. I might rewrite such a post because the information is important to share. A few days later, better has no fork in the road to frustrate me with making decisions. 

I had my first seasonal pumpkin coffee (McD). A big thanks anyway to last year's covid booster that took away my sense of taste. I did, however, taste a massive amount of sugar. I didn't finish the coffee.

As with all heavy episodes of depression, there's a ton of catch up to do. Number one, aside from laundry and dusting, is to paint. A bonus of not doing much is that my appetite is low on caring about food in real life. 

I know I love foods, but the hands on in the kitchen is not frequent. So I put a strict limit on take out. Sunday's omelet, I sauted so many vegetables, I could hardly see the egg. The baked chicken sausage (baked, not greasy) from Hannaford's is good enough to put on my regular shopping list. 

It is strange that on blogging time, life feels and looks normal, no depression, no anxiety, no dreads. At my worst, I can manage a short photo post.

I don't know what I will do today other than try to do. For now, I have to do errands. I can't make biscuits without flour.

How is  your November going?

A Week Versatile, Hello November

This week is black bean chili time, the first bowl of the cold weather season. 

Adding broth and more vegetables (spinach, zucchini) to the chili, then it will become chili soup. 

The spot of green in the photo catches my attention. 

This will be a picture for a composite to paint from. 

Learning how to paint open water is a dream of mine.

 Welcome November!

November is the month my poetry heart loves most, moody, mysterious, windy and a cold that rushes right through the soul.

I will not be posting an audio version of my reciting Poe's poem, "The Raven." I did a couple tries, and trust me, they are horrible, and deleted. I just couldn't get Vincent Price out of my mind. He does the best Poe voice ever. Instead, I will post a reading from a myth or something I write based on a true story.

On the 2nd holiday vibe Monday, I almost forgot I'm going with that attitude. I had such a lazy time of it last week, there is catch up to do. I'm feeling better, (shots done for the year), depression lifting enough for me to sneak out from under it, and allergies no longer bringing me sinus discomfort. This week has a versatile agenda on the home front. Being busy will be a change from October's quietness.

How is the view of your November?

P.S. In the good news slot, I think I've found a good bar stool for my easel area. I like to stand when I paint. A stool gives me a place to rest and think. Chairs are too low.

P.P.S
Tip: Using Google Voice, you can call yourself to find your cell phone.

Day 301 of Week 43 in October 2023

Another Vermont field in Autumn.

Scrolling through pictures, the date or where the image is captured is no longer with the details

Snow Geese. I didn't go to the Dead Creek Wildlife Area to see the geese. This season I've not been to the ususal places I visit yearly.

The foliage around town is about the stage of  the maple. There is something about the golden leaves and dark branches that feels classy. At this lower elevation, there is a foliage vibe of a comfy knit throw around my shoulders that I don't sense when I'm in the mountains at peak foliage. Maybe being close to home is what generates that atmosphere of warmth.

I've been up into the wee hours watching videos. That means rising later in the morning for a shorter day. My YouTube watching days are settling like a pond with an old log surfacing enough for turtles to sun themselves. I know why the latest surge of depression. The goal is to push through it by putting aside daydreams, and working on the reality at hand. The canvas in the other room.